I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
