Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pooping to opera.
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