what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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