I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The adults are the big ones right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There's even glitter on my cock...
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