lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You can't motorboat a personality
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
