I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
