It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
