I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
