So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
