He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize