Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
