It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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