just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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