new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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