I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
