that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
