Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
