hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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