I just made out with a guy for $7.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
