Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize