He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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