Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
