My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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