You work out of a Hotel?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
