Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
