At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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