I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
