Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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