Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
