I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Im part way to drunk.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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