my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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