It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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