I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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