He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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