Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You are the jesus of drinking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
