Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize