Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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