it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
