your parents love me but you hate me
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
