fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
