The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just gift wrapped bread.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
