my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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