I'd wear matching sweaters with you
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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