So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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