Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
