i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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