Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
