Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
