I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
