no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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