go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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