his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
