Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
