My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
