Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
