I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
