I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
