After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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