don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
