Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need moral support for this bender
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize