hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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