my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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