So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
